11/20/2008 – Letter to a Friend’s daughter

1. There are No Judges

Not other people, not your lover, not your parents, not some god in the sky, or some church on earth, not a book
– whether a religious book, or a loved novel, or a book of Yoga.
Even you do not have to spend much time judging
 – just the judgments (important) that you make for survival in daily life, and maybe a stocktaking for planning the future every now and then.

Really. Only you can live your life.
In the long run what people remember about you will be of little importance. And their memory is short.
But the life you live while you are living needs to please you. (But even this could be turned into a judgement and it should not be.)
A tree that grows on a rocky windy hillside, all twisted up, is at least as “good” as a tree that grows in a sheltered valley, in a grove – tall and straight.. Maybe better, it has had to work harder to make its life.

2. Don’t give away your power

If you let others judgements judge you – then you are giving them power,
giving away power which is yours.
If you listen too hard to the judgement of your friends or employers or people with good advice – then you give them power.
You should listen to all and everybody to find out things, to find out what is out there to take into account in planning useful actions. But not to find out if you are OK.
You give yourself the OK, give yourself power.

I know that he is too good an example to be much use
But look at Obama. Nobody in the center of public life has been more insulted and really degraded But you hardly notice it, because he does not.
He knows it is there, but he keeps on moving on his own path, towards his inner and public goals. Because he knows that is who he is.

3. Know yourself. ACCEPT yourself.

Nobody is perfect. Far from it. Nobody. Nobody is 100% anything.
They are all trying to fight off being knocked over by the judgement of others, or their own early terrors.
Just as you accept the persona they present, so they accept yours – whatever it may be.
Once you can know and ACCEPT yourself, and they see that you can’t be knocked over
and that you “believe”; in the persona you present to them, and will maintain it in the face of attack, then they will accept it, and you.

Then you will be able to adopt the appropriate attitudes
to the situation without demeaning yourself,
and they will see that and respect you.
Appropriate attitudes include being attentive, respectful and loving of others – and answering mail and other approaches to you. Being in a position where you have to take orders is not demeaning as long as you – and everybody else if it comes to a test – know who you are and why you are there. In fact it is a dignity to be respectful.

Then you can go forward to trying to be whatever you like, making goals for yourself and not fear others, and not have fears.
Timidity is a waste of time
 – that’s all it is when you look back.
If you really know that there are no judges
then there is nothing to be timid about.
Practical limited fears yes, but not major ones.

In the end you will either accomplish what you want this week, or you will not. Enjoy.

4. People mostly take you at the value you give yourself

People mostly take you at the value you give yourself. They are worrying about themselves – and cannot penetrate to your worries, or if they can they still prefer to see the persona you give them, as long as you show by your own demeanor that this is who you are, and are not shaken by superficial insults or setbacks.
If you are a beggar they treat you like a beggar.
If you accept yourself and know who you want to be – and believe in it – they will tend to accept you as what you want to be even if they know things that might contradict that notion.

5. So then you can finally be free

Then you can decide for yourself how you want to live, what you enjoy doing and pursue goals you want in the conditions of the real world.
Then you can see how what you enjoy doing might be of value to others.
And value yourself enough to get paid – in one way or another – what the things you are doing are worth.
This includes having a lover who values you properly,
finding backers for your plans who believe in what you want to do,
getting paid fairly in a good job
(even in times of unemployment some people have good jobs),
raising money from others for projects organizations or causes you believe in
;- and getting paid properly for doing so.
[My father was in the entertainment business,
 and made more money in the depression than at any other time.]
What do people want? – those around you, or in a particular business, or in the economy in general?
Find ways to be doing things you enjoy in a way that these things satisfy some wants of others..
And you do not have to fixate on one thing. You can multitask if you want.
Or if you want to do nothing, think what a valuable wife you could be to someone rich enough and who wants a wife who looks good, is a good happy hostess or who parties up or whatever.

Whatever it is, if you value yourself then people will value you
 – and you then have to turn that value
 into real support in the world.


Posted by email from detropblogg’s posterous

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